When we make friends we look for things we have in common. Its good to have things in common. It gives us something to connect with in one another. But I don't think I want to have this in common, a dead parent or both parents dead. I wonder sometimes, if I'm writing in vein. Yesterday was rough. My son had a moment in recess where he felt very sad so he sat quietly by himself. He had another sad moment right before dinner. I let him read this. Well you can look at the first blog entry and read his reaction for yourself.
Today was a little better. We weren't sad. We laughed, a lot, just being together. The week is over. We made it through. In our exhaustion we decided to walk across the street and pick up some food. The three of us got sandwiches and my youngest got Chinese. On a whim, we all got milkshakes and ice cream. All in all, it has been a good day.
I was watching the two of them, talking, laughing, and joking. Their sense of humor is so very different but they are very funny.
Connor: Uffer gummy bears are good for two things. They are good in ice cream.
CMC: And they are good in my tummy.
We all laughed. I couldn't help but observe that my sons often make me wonder how my dad might have been different if his father hadn't died when he was only a few years older than my oldest son. What if he didn't have to grow up early or live through a war? Would he have retained that same unabashed joy and hilarity as his grandsons?
My father considered himself a very serious person. Yet, he would laugh, make jokes, and have fun. The first time the family gathered in his house since his death was the week after my birthday. My aunt, my dad's oldest sister had decided to do something to celebrate my birthday. It made my day in ways I can't even begin to express. It took the edge off my sadness. My other aunt, my dad's sister-in-law noted it was hard and how we all missed him so much. She then added, it wasn't as if he was a boring person. He was actually fun. I remember how they used to gather around the table and talk and laugh, and laugh, and laugh.
I think I miss my dad's laugh the most. God gives even as he takes away. My father told me when I told him I was having another boy, that God gives you exactly what you need. He said about my sons that they would be brothers and best friends for life. In a way, I think he was echoing the sentiment he felt towards his own younger brother. Maybe in some ways he was remembering his relationship with his brother.
My youngest is exactly what we need and God gave us just that. When my mother died, he was a source of innocent joy to my father in his sadness. When he couldn't connect with me, he could connect with his youngest grandson. I feel sad for my youngest son, he never had the chance to be showered with the love and affection of his grandparents the same way his brother had.
As their father and I chatted about that last night before he left on vacation, my husband recalled how he didn't get to say good-bye to my dad. My father spent the evening sitting on his bed with his grandsons, books piling up, bedtime being delayed as they cuddled with him and he read to them. I'm glad I didn't rush bedtime that night. Sometimes, living in the moment, breaking the rules can be a saving grace. This memory caused my oldest to burst into tears and the sadness that has been overwhelming him welled up again.
His brother did not wish to be left out.
Connor: Sometimes, when you and daddy talk about Dadu and Dida I feel sad. [shoveling ice cream in his mouth] but ice cream makes me feel better.
Ice cream should make everyone feel better. Living #lifeintheconnorverse is our gift from God. God knows we've needed it. God knew we would need that little boy and his boundless joy. He took my mother's love from my son and then his grandfather. But before all that, He gave him a brother, his best friend, the one who will always love him, the one who will do everything he can to pull him back from the brink.
As the song says, "you give and take away, but my heart will always say, blessed be your name. Blessed be the name of the Lord."
Today was a little better. We weren't sad. We laughed, a lot, just being together. The week is over. We made it through. In our exhaustion we decided to walk across the street and pick up some food. The three of us got sandwiches and my youngest got Chinese. On a whim, we all got milkshakes and ice cream. All in all, it has been a good day.
I was watching the two of them, talking, laughing, and joking. Their sense of humor is so very different but they are very funny.
Connor: Uffer gummy bears are good for two things. They are good in ice cream.
CMC: And they are good in my tummy.
We all laughed. I couldn't help but observe that my sons often make me wonder how my dad might have been different if his father hadn't died when he was only a few years older than my oldest son. What if he didn't have to grow up early or live through a war? Would he have retained that same unabashed joy and hilarity as his grandsons?
My father considered himself a very serious person. Yet, he would laugh, make jokes, and have fun. The first time the family gathered in his house since his death was the week after my birthday. My aunt, my dad's oldest sister had decided to do something to celebrate my birthday. It made my day in ways I can't even begin to express. It took the edge off my sadness. My other aunt, my dad's sister-in-law noted it was hard and how we all missed him so much. She then added, it wasn't as if he was a boring person. He was actually fun. I remember how they used to gather around the table and talk and laugh, and laugh, and laugh.
I think I miss my dad's laugh the most. God gives even as he takes away. My father told me when I told him I was having another boy, that God gives you exactly what you need. He said about my sons that they would be brothers and best friends for life. In a way, I think he was echoing the sentiment he felt towards his own younger brother. Maybe in some ways he was remembering his relationship with his brother.
My youngest is exactly what we need and God gave us just that. When my mother died, he was a source of innocent joy to my father in his sadness. When he couldn't connect with me, he could connect with his youngest grandson. I feel sad for my youngest son, he never had the chance to be showered with the love and affection of his grandparents the same way his brother had.
As their father and I chatted about that last night before he left on vacation, my husband recalled how he didn't get to say good-bye to my dad. My father spent the evening sitting on his bed with his grandsons, books piling up, bedtime being delayed as they cuddled with him and he read to them. I'm glad I didn't rush bedtime that night. Sometimes, living in the moment, breaking the rules can be a saving grace. This memory caused my oldest to burst into tears and the sadness that has been overwhelming him welled up again.
His brother did not wish to be left out.
Connor: Sometimes, when you and daddy talk about Dadu and Dida I feel sad. [shoveling ice cream in his mouth] but ice cream makes me feel better.
Ice cream should make everyone feel better. Living #lifeintheconnorverse is our gift from God. God knows we've needed it. God knew we would need that little boy and his boundless joy. He took my mother's love from my son and then his grandfather. But before all that, He gave him a brother, his best friend, the one who will always love him, the one who will do everything he can to pull him back from the brink.
As the song says, "you give and take away, but my heart will always say, blessed be your name. Blessed be the name of the Lord."
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